Why Is My Child Struggling In School?

Your child has reached the age where they are in school for more time than they are with you, at home. Perhaps school for your child is a place where they are overwhelmed and feeling less than the peers that sit next to them in the classroom. The natural response is “fight or flight”---withdraw and avoid or become non-compliant and disrespectful to the teacher in the classroom. This reaction is to protect them from feeling the negative emotions connected to school. What can we do to support them? Give them opportunities to succeed and build their confidence. After all, tackling hard situations is about the confidence and resilience to try, and fail, and try again.

I had a 5^th grade student when I was a principal in inner city Akron---let’s call him Reggie. Reggie had been suspended multiple times for “cussing out” the teacher and refusing to engage in academic tasks. He ended up in my office throwing a full-blown tantrum to get himself out of our 30-minute requirement of SSR (self-sustained silent reading). His instinct to fight came from his inability to read and the fear that he would be found out. It was my responsibility to meet him right where he was at that moment. I helped him confront his fears by, first, acknowledging that reading was hard for him. I could not expect him to read at a fifth-grade level when he could barely read at a first-grade level. What next? Pull-out reading support? Giving him more reading instruction instead of letting him go to recess or specials? Maybe we should let him attend reading instruction with a younger group of students? All these options would have only reinforced Reggie’s opinion of himself…I am dumb and school sucks! I started by asking Reggie to listen to a book on tape….one that I chose that I thought he would enjoy. I only asked that he remain in the class during SSR and listen to the tape for the 30-minute time frame. I provided lots of reinforcers in the classroom if he was able to comply. He finished the book and much to my surprise, he asked for another. This time, he wanted to choose the book. That gave me an opportunity to introduce him to many books that he might enjoy. Giving him the opportunity to choose the book put him in the driver’s seat…a little boost of confidence. He volunteered to share a summary of that book with the class. When he received a wonderfully positive response from his classmates his confidence increased a little more. Reggie went on to gain two years of growth in reading that year because his confidence in his own abilities increased and he experienced such positive emotion around reading. This allowed him to accept the intervention that was offered because he wanted to read better and read more.  

Confidence and self-worth are things we rarely talk about when we are discussing students that are struggling in school. Our first instinct is to provide more or different types of instruction. While those are appropriate interventions, I believe the first thing to tackle is a child’s mindset around school and their own abilities. Let’s start with success and build their confidence. After that, they can tackle all the hard things that come next! School will be a safe space where your child can make mistakes, take risks, set goals for themselves, and be the best that they can be!